The Crossing
by s1ncer1ty
Summary: Sent to scout ahead for the Company, Fili doesn't listen to his brother's advice and makes a decision that nearly costs Kili his life.


Fili and Kili were at an impasse.

"Well, then."

Kili frowned. "There appears to be..."

"...a slight problem," finished Fili.

The Company's scouts stared at their predicament, unconsciously mirroring one another's stance with crossed arms over their chests. To the right, their path was strewn with great rocks, which they would have to carefully wind their way over and around if they were to continue. To the left, the river, rushing and swollen with the previous night's rain.

The route to the right would be another day's journey, at least, and Fili did not relish the idea of returning to the Company - more specifically, Thorin - with such news. But to cross the river...

"It will take us hours to get through if we keep following the trail," said Fili after a spell. "We don't have that kind of time to spare. Look," he added, pointing a ways downstream. "If we cross here and follow the shore, it will meet back up with the trail, and we won't have wasted any more time than necessary."

"The current is fairly fast. Do you really think us all strong enough to make it across? Our burglar, for instance?" said Kili, frowning faintly.

"He can ride alongside Dwalin."

Kili couldn't help but chuckle. "Oh, that'll be a laugh. Whose face will be more priceless, Dwalin's or Mr. Boggins'?"

"Focus, Kili. I've decided. We cross the river. Here, at the break in the rocks. Get the ponies."

"Are you sure you want to do this?" asked Kili as he walked to where he had tethered the ponies beside a tree along the shore.

"Are you afraid, little brother? Scared of getting your feet wet?" Fili said with a smirk.

"Of course not!" Kili retorted just as quickly, swinging himself up onto his pony and urging it into the river before Fili could get another word in edgewise. "In fact, I'll be to the other side before you've even mounted your pony."

"We'll see about that," laughed Fili as he hopped atop his own mount, splashing quickly after his brother.

"Poor Fili, getting his boots wet again after they've only just..."

"...dried from the rain," chuckled Fili. "And what of you? This will likely be your first bath in weeks!"

Kili turned around to face Fili with a peal of laughter. "Months, brother, get it correct! In any regard -" He broke off suddenly as, without warning, his pony reared back and, with a shout of surprise, the young dwarf toppled backward from his mount, landing in the river with a great splash.

Fili let out a bark of laughter at the sight of his brother falling in such an undignified manner - but his chuckling trailed off when Kili did not surface again. "Kili? If this is meant to be a joke, it is not funny." He spun around his own pony and, with increasing trepidation, surveyed the rushing water, whose surface was disturbed all the more as Kili's pony bolted toward the shore. "Kili, answer me!"

Thinking he spied a rivulet of red in the current, Fili dismounted swiftly from his own pony, only to find himself unexpectedly shoulder-deep as the bottom of the riverbed dropped off sharply. He kicked hard against the tide, but couldn't seem to hold his footing, and he was swiftly yanked beneath the water's surface. Suddenly, his feet could not find footing, his leathers and weapons weighing him down as he was swept up in the pulsing current.

"Kili!" he gasped as he broke through the surface once more, panic setting in as he flailed against the riptide. He barely dodged a great rock that jutted from the riverbed as he was swept downstream despite his best efforts to break the current. Again, he went under, choking on the rushing tide as he struggled to catch his breath.

And then, there were hands upon him, dragging him from the river, as he shouted for Kili through great mouthfuls of water.

"Well, you're about the ugliest catfish I've ever dragged up," said Bofur, hooking his arms around Fili's chest from the rock he stood upon.

"Kili… Kili is still... I have to go back!"

Bofur forcibly pulled the squirming young dwarf through the current to the rocky shoreline, plowing on with the surprisingly strong grip of a seasoned miner. "I've got you, laddie. No need to be struggling so." He turned, then, and shouted, "Thorin! I've got Fili!"

From several yards downstream, Thorin turned. At some point, he and the rest of the Company had caught up, and were now scouring the shoreline for their missing companion. "Bofur, you're to watch him. Dori, round up their ponies. The rest of you, follow the river. We find Kili," he commanded, levying a brief but hard glare at his elder nephew - _stay put_ - before turning back and fording calf-deep in the river.

"C'mere," said Bofur, dropping his heavy leather coat across Fili's shoulders and pushing his hip-flask into his hands. "This'll warm you up. Take away some of the sting."

With shaking fingers, Fili unscrewed the cap and tipped back the flask, gulping it as if it were water. He shuddered from head to foot and began to cough as the fiery liquid went down.

"Easy, lad, a little goes a long way." Bofur gently took the flask from Fili's trembling hands and availed himself of a sip. "Don't you be worrying. We'll find your brother."

"I hope you speak true. I - I didn't intend for him to fall."

"I know," said Bofur. "We all know. He'll be found," he repeated.

And then Bifur could be heard crashing his way down the path, hooting something in indecipherable _Khuzdul_ and gesturing wildly for the pair to follow. Fili and Bofur took to their feet and dashed along the edge of the riverbed until they came to a rocky patch upon the shore where their king was kneeling, surrounded by the rest of the Company.

At the center of it all, Kili lay prone upon the ground, soaked to the skin; his skin was too pale, his lips tinged blue, a great scarlet wound seeping blood down his left temple.

"Oin. I need you. _Now_," Thorin commanded.

"Keep calm, laddie," said Bofur, laying a hand upon Fili's arm in an effort to restrain him as the younger dwarf surged forward. "Give him room to breathe."

"Back away, back away," said Oin a little too loudly, and he knelt at their side to lean his head directly upon Kili's chest. Fili's own heart seemed to stop as the moments ticked by interminably, until finally, the elder dwarf sat up once again and, with an expression of grief, shook his head.

"No." Dimly, Fili felt Bofur's fingers tighten around his arm; with a jerk, he shrugged him off and rushed to his brother's side, taking a limp hand in his own. "Kili? Kili, squeeze my hand!"

"Back away, boy," growled Thorin, all but shoving Fili aside as he placed his hands atop Kili's chest, massaging it in a mimic of breath. When the young lad did not respond, his ministrations grew more forceful, until Kili's chest jumped like a jackrabbit beneath Thorin's fingers.

"Uncle!" Fili cried. "You're killing him!"

"It was not I who led him into the river," said Thorin, his eyes never leaving Kili's face as he continued to compress his nephew's chest. "_I_ am trying to save his life."

All at once, Kili gasped in a shrill breath and began to gag; Thorin rolled him to one side as he choked an immense amount of river water from his lungs. "What -" he finally managed. "What has happened?"

"You're going to be all right, youngling," said Oin, as he searched Kili over with a healer's expert eyes. "You fell into the river. Gave us all quite a turn!"

"None more so than your uncle and brother," added Bofur.

Kili looked dazedly about the group that surrounded him. "Fili … where is Fili?"

"Here," said Fili, sliding close to his brother's side again, unmindful of the glower Thorin was giving the pair. "No, don't try to get up," he added as Kili shakily pushed himself up on his elbows.

Kili, as hard-headed and determined as any of their kind, however, shrugged off the warm hand upon his shoulder. He winced at the movement and coughed again, a hand lifting to his chest and curling into a fist.

Before Fili could blink, that fist suddenly connected with his jaw in a blow that sent him sprawling back on both hands.

"That," snarled Kili in a raspy tone, "is for nearly getting me killed!" He leaned forward, resting his hands on his knees as he began once more to cough.

Again, Bofur's hands were upon Fili's shoulders - just as Oin kept any further outburst from Kili in check with a look of stern reproach - but there was no fight in either of the young dwarves. Still, it did not prevent Fili's brows from drawing down low and a growl from escaping him. "You should have held tighter to the reins!"

"Excuse me for having no control over a panicked pony!"

"If you hadn't been fooling around -"

"_Enough_!" roared Thorin. "We make camp here tonight. Kili, you will rest - not another outburst from you. And Fili," he said, with a glare to his other nephew. "A word."

Pulling him out of earshot of the rest of the Company, Thorin leveled a hard gaze upon Fili.

"I do not know what possessed you to send your brother into the river. I expect you above all else to know better. You may think it a game, but it is not. You were toying with our lives."

"No, Uncle, it is not a game," said Fili, keeping his chin held high and eyes fixed straight on Thorin's. He would defer to his leader's will, but he would not be cowed like a child. "I had only thought -"

"What? What did you think?" Thorin demanded as Fili trailed off.

"To procure us a shortcut."

"We take the trail, regardless of how much time is lost. Of which we have already lost plenty owing to your foolishness."

Fili nodded, his jaw and his pride smarting, but his gaze unwavering. "Yes, sir."

* * *

Some hours later, the company bedded down for the night. Bofur started up a crackling fire while Bombur cooked up a passable stew from the rabbits Dori had taken down with his bolas. Dwalin had produced his fiddle, but the song for the evening was subdued, owing to the scare the Company had received earlier in the day, and Thorin's continued dark mood.

As for Fili, he had apparently made no headway with his own brother, who sat off to the side of the group alone - strange, for one who typically craved inclusion with the group, especially in times of laughter.

"That hard-headed, empty-brained, stubborn... son of a warg!" he spat as he flopped heavily beside the fire.

"Trouble in paradise, lad?" said Bofur, inclining his head toward the younger dwarf from where he sat, feeding the flame with small sticks of tinder.

Fili stared moodily into the fire, making no attempt to respond to the inquiry.

Bofur slid over, making room for himself beside Fili in spite of the chilly reception. "If I'm to hazard a guess, this sour mood is due to a certain younger sibling who you feel won't listen to reason."

"Kili," Fili muttered, shaking his head. "He refuses to speak to me like a civil dwarf." He paused, and looked pointedly at the toymaker. "What business is it of yours, anyway?"

"You know, I almost lost my own brother once, when we were but wee dwarrows," continued Bofur, as if he hadn't even heard Fili speak. "Aye, I should have been holding his wee pudgy hand as we ran errands in town. Something shiny caught his eye - a toy, perhaps, or a nice-looking cream cake in the baker's window. But I had other things on my mind. The fairer sex, looking upright in front of the mates. I cannot recall. When Bombur ran off… well, let's just say I wasn't exactly feeling like celebrating when the wagon ran him down."

Fili was quiet a moment, before he finally asked, "What happened?"

"Bombur came away with a broken arm, and I came away with a sore bottom when Ma found out I'd let him wander astray. But worse than that was knowing his injuries were on my conscience."

"What are you saying, then? Kili was right to strike me?" Fili frowned.

Bofur shook his head. "I'm saying you should be grateful your brother's got nothing more than some bruised ribs and a lungful of water. Do you even realize how close you were to losing him?"

"You think I don't know that?" said Fili carefully, his brows drawn down low.

"I think you're placing blame where blame shouldn't be placed." As Fili pushed himself back to his feet with a grunt of displeasure, he added, "Just an observation."

Fili tossed up a hand in exasperation. "What do you expect me to do about it, then? Grovel and cry at his feet?"

"Have you tried - and here's a novel idea - apologizing?"

"Apologize? He should be the one apologizing for striking me!"

"...and what, exactly, did you do to him, laddie?"

This gave Fili pause, and for a moment, it looked as if Bofur's words might finally have sunk in. But the younger dwarf quickly turned on his foot and stalked off in a huff.

He found himself gravitating back toward Kili, despite the reception his brother had given him. Perhaps it was Bofur's attempt at talking sense into him, or perhaps he simply could not stand to leave the issue unresolved.

Spying his brother out of the corner of his eye, Kili refused to look up at his approach.

"You've not eaten," said Fili finally, gesturing toward the barely touched bowl of stew that sat beside his younger brother. He hesitated a moment, gauging Kili's current state, before folding his legs beneath him to sit. There was only a foot of space between the pair, but to Fili, it could well have been a chasm.

"I am not hungry," Kili returned, glowering, his eyes trained on the fire.

"You should eat. You need your strength."

"Give it to Bombur. He'd appreciate the third helping."

"Thorin has threatened to personally break the arms of anyone who dares disturb you," said Fili mildly. "I'd hate to see what he would do to one who takes food from the mouth of his kin."

The edge of Kili's lips twitched, and for a moment, Fili suspected his brother might actually smile; but after a moment, his expression darkened once again. "Go away, Fili. You're disturbing me."

"Oh? And do you think you'll just run to Thorin so he can ..."

"...break your arms?"

"Would you stop _doing_ that?" both exclaimed as one. Their hard glares were interrupted by a soft snort coming from across camp, and Bofur, his eyes twinkling, made a concerted show of prodding at the fire with a long stick.

Kili heaved a heavy breath. "I am no longer a child. None of you need to be babying me in such a way."

"You were nearly drowned. You had stopped breathing. I thought we'd lost you."

"But you didn't."

"Kili, you didn't just 'almost' die - you did die!" Fili exclaimed sharply, turning on his brother. "You stopped breathing and Thorin had to -" He trailed off with a start, hands clenching into balled fists, unable to continue as dawning realization of what Bofur had been trying to tell him hit home.

Kili looked sharply at his brother, but didn't say a word.

Fili's expression, for a moment, was unreadable. "Kili ... I ... am sorry," he uttered, the words coming like flies through molasses. "For nearly killing you. Gods! For killing you..." His eyes squeezed shut at the admission, and he fought to suppress a fit of trembling.

"Fili..." Kili settled a twitching hand on his brother's shoulder. "Don't do this."

"Don't ... _pity_ me!" With a little too much force, he waved off Kili's hand and shoved himself to his feet. "Let me be!"

"Oh no, this is not how this conversation ends!" In an instant, Kili too was on his feet, following fast on Fili's heels as he attempted to stalk off. "Stop. Just stop!"

"I mean it, Kili, leave me alone!" Fili's pitch rose tremulously as he spoke, his strides lengthening as he struggled to outpace his brother. "Don't make me hurt you!"

"Go ahead!" By then Kili was shouting, unmindful of the stares the Company was levying in their direction. He thrust his arms out to his sides, as if to offer himself up as a target. "Hurt me! Punch me, kick me, drown me! That is what you want, isn't it?"

"NO!" cried Fili, fisting his hand into his hair, tugging one of his braids free. "That's never what I wanted!"

"You fool. You damned fool."

Suddenly, Kili's arms were around his brother, roughly yanking his head to his shoulder. Fili struggled at first to free himself, but the shakes were growing too hard, and he felt himself becoming weak in the knees - _gods, not in front of Kili_. All he could do was tremble, even as he felt calloused, shaking fingers twist into his hair. "I'm sorry... I'm so damned sorry, Kili," he managed.

"You fool," Kili said again, although this time his voice was gentle, warm against Fili's ear. "Come on, don't do this."

"I mean it - I truly do," said Fili, pulling away to face his sibling with hollow, damp eyes. "If I had known you would fall, I wouldn't have -"

"Stop." Kili tried to force a smile. "What's done is done."

Fili nodded and curled his head back into his brother's shoulder, feeling the shivers slowly beginning to subside - all save for the hand gently cupping the back of his head. With a frown of concern, he pulled back. "Kili?"

Kili was silent for a long spell, his eyes trained to the ground - facing anything but his brother. Finally, he spoke, "There's a reason I haven't eaten," he said with a soft, sad smile. He lifted his hands, revealing an uncontrollable tremor in them both. "It's been hours, and they just won't stop. I keep feeling the water... and the blackness..."

Fili whispered, "Tell me what it was like. To die?"

"Dark," said Kili, still avoiding his brother's gaze. "Cold. And very empty."

"_Are_ you all right, brother?"

Kili glanced up, his dark eyes meeting his brother's own, and smiled - the first genuine smile Fili had seen since they'd attempted to ford the river. "I will be."

A great silence fell between the two, both too overwhelmed to speak. After a time, Fili nodded back toward camp. "C'mon," he said, placing a hand on his brother's shoulder - keeping it there, as if it were a lifeline of sorts, until they were once again settled beside the fire, side by side.

* * *

The lads were finally asleep. Propped upright against the trunk of a great tree, their foreheads just barely touched as they slumbered peacefully, as if they were but children.

_Idiot boys. _Thorin wanted to knock both their heads together for the scare they'd given the Company - and him. No, there would be no need for further reprimand; the spreading bruise on Fili's jaw and Kili's aching ribs would be reminder enough of consequences.

Thorin unbuttoned his cloak and draped it over the brothers' shoulders - exhausted, neither so much as stirred. He would take the next watch himself, and he settled as quietly as he could at his nephews' side. Tomorrow they would resume their long journey, and they would need their full strength, but for now, he was willing to afford his lads some warmth, and a peaceful night's sleep.


End file.
